Questions From Followers – Part 1

Quest 1. What if I develop feelings for a play partner?

Actually this is a very important topic.  If you regularly meet with the same person and share an intimate activity like having sex, it is not terribly surprising that you may develop feelings for the person.  Someone you only see once or twice, probably not, but once you are with someone more than about a half dozen times, it can certainly happen.  In and of itself, this is not a bad thing, nor is it anything to be afraid of.  You simply must be reasonable about how to deal with it.  Personally, I’ve had this happen twice.  Perhaps these instances will be instructive for new people.

I had a regular playmate develop feelings for me and it became uncomfortable for his wife.  And the guy began to demand more and more of my time until it became unreasonable.  He also wanted to call me his “Girlfriend” or even asked me if he can introduce time to his few friends as his wife, because his wife is not as open I am and as what he wants her to be open.  It got to the point I had to tell him we could not see each other again.

On other friend I enjoyed playing with him he was understating and very co-operative without any unnecessary drama, it was really fun and lately we both get attracted to each other and developed some feelings.  But it never happened that we started disliking our own partners. We knew our relationship & respect the required space for each other’s personal life.  We had some good times together apart from our own spouses joined us.  Looking back, I don’t regret what happened and still we are in touch and we still have feelings for each other which make us more comfortable with each other.

The second time was a much different story.  This guy and I both developed feelings for each other.  Obviously both of us were married, mind you, and neither of us had any intention of leaving our spouses or anything crazy like that.  However, we had some real magic together and it steadily grew.  Eventually we let it go a little too far and said some things we shouldn’t have said.  

Navish took it kindly to that (justifiably so) and we had to take a time out and dial it back.  We still see each other and it is still amazing when we do, but we had to redraw some boundaries that had gotten a bit too blurry.  

From my personal experience there is no permanent damage done and anything stupid happened and we both are still happily married with our spouses.  The point remains that you have to be careful.  This is supposed to be fun, harmless fun at that, and nobody wants anyone to get hurt.  Occasionally you need a wave of reality to crash down on your sandcastle of fantasy you build and that is fine.  So long as you keep straight what is real life and what is playtime fun all should be well.

In general these things should happen infrequently.  As the Most Interesting Man in the World might say (I LOVE YOU) “I don’t always have feelings for my play partners, but when I do, I keep sharing it with Navish. So I would say all my friends in lifestyle, Stay horny make your boundaries and respect your relationship, developing feelings for play partner is very normal and it happens.

Quest 2. What if I want to exclusively play with someone, is that still swinging?

Yes.  Sometimes couples find another couple or even a small group they decide they want to exclusively play with and that is fine.  This can work in a few different ways.  Perhaps one couple decides they only want to play with these particular people and that is then all they do in terms of going outside their primary relationship.  Perhaps everyone decides that (whatever number of people this involves) represents the only people they will have sex with and because of this small scale exclusivity, they will no longer use condoms with these people.  On the other hand, it could be that within your exclusive circle you don’t use condoms but people have the right to go outside the circle so long as they do use protection for outside encounters.  This can be a very touchy subject that should not be lightly entered into and should be thoroughly discussed with all people involved to make sure everyone is on the same page.

Having another couple or even a small group to go to parties with or go to clubs with could be pretty awesome.  You can still get the benefit of being able to watch others or have others watch you with one of your circle even if you don’t attempt to have sex with any new people.  You would also have the huge advantage of knowing no matter what happens, you have one person (or more) besides your primary partner that you can have sex with (so you never need to worry about striking out).

Deciding to be exclusive is a very big step.  It can easily lead to feelings developing between non-spouse sex partners and that can be very threatening to a lot of people, even those who are fine with more casual sexual encounters by their significant others.  I thought about doing this once briefly but did not do it.  In retrospect, that was a good decision NOT to do so.  However, I can certainly see the benefits of such an arrangement provided that everyone gets along well and you aren’t stupid with the arrangement.  I’d define being “stupid” here as doing things like making ridiculous time demands on another person’s spouse, clearly intruding on someone’s territory, or playing more often with someone’s partner than they are comfortable with having occur.    If you are honest and respectful, I can see this being a very nice arrangement.  However, it is extremely difficult to find even four (let alone more) people who are all attracted to each other enough to have an ongoing, let alone exclusive, sexual relationship.  If you can do it though, have at it!

If you also have any question in mind please share it with me, if I could answer you from my experience will do it in upcoming next parts.

With Love,


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