Libido During Pregnancy and Nursing

Believe me, If pregnancy has your libido doing wacky things, you’re not alone

Yeah — it isn’t always like this.

always had a crazy-high libido, so when I had my  pregnancy, I was surprised when my desire quadrupled! I was thinking about sex for a VERY large portion of my day, and my husband and I were having sex every chance we could in-between busy work schedules.

In the second month of pregnancy, I began bleeding heavily, and — thinking it was a miscarriage — we rushed to my doctor who diagnosed me with a large blood clot behind my new forming placenta and my uterine wall. This can be very serious, and often results in the loss of the pregnancy.

I was put on bed rest, pelvic rest (which I was told meant no intercourse and no tampons, basically nothing inserted inside the vagina for any reason, and no lifting anything heavier than a gallon of milk), and given grief brochures to prepare me for the worst.


Pelvic rest

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists explains that studies have not proven that refraining from sex actually works to help prevent pregnancy complications or preterm labor and premature birth. However, they still recommend pelvic rest in certain cases.


Iwas stuck in bed, sad and bored. I was told no intercourse, so I just masturbated all day, every day, while binge-watching Netflix and eating chocolate-covered Oreos.

I masturbated for my burning desire. I masturbated as a boredom buster. I masturbated as a way to deal with the stress of possibly, and very likely, losing my baby.

I finally passed the clot successfully, and without any harm to the fetus. I was allowed off bed rest, but by that point I was experiencing something known as Hyperemesis Gravidarum, which is basically extremely horrible morning sickness, which lasts all day, every day, and makes you feel like you have the most horrendous food poisoning that never goes away.

This is what supposedly killed Charlotte Brontë while she was a mere four months pregnant.

Hyperemesis Gravidarum is one reason why some wanted pregnancies get terminated later in the pregnancy, and one reason why we need consistent affordable access to safe, legal abortion. If you find a medication which works (or don’t mind being hooked up to an IV the entire pregnancy for hydration) and you choose to follow through with the pregnancy-torture that is this disease (something which I did and don’t regret in spite of the hell on my body), then great! I’m right there with you. But having been through these debilitating symptoms myself, it’s clear to me why a woman must be allowed to choose to end the pregnancy if she cannot handle them.

The only medication which worked made me extremely drowsy. Once again, I was basically stuck in bed, with nothing to do except slowly sip ice water to keep hydrated, sleep and masturbate. Because somehow, even though I couldn’t stomach any food or drinks, and even standing up made me vomit, my pregnancy hormones were still making me absolutely insatiable to the point where I was naked in bed and giving myself orgasms hourly!

This trend lasted throughout the pregnancy. I had unstable blood pressure, which progressed to preeclampsia (a serious disorder during pregnancy which can be dangerous to both the mother and the baby) in my last trimester, and so was put on hospital bed rest, and the first thought which came to my mind while quickly packing for my month-long hospital stay, was whether I could pack my vibrator! I didn’t, but I definitely thought long and hard about it. And I did still sneak in self-love sessions at night when I knew I wouldn’t be disturbed by any nurses!

This extremely high libido lasted through the rest of my pregnancy, before slowly returning back to its normal, still-high-but-not-that-high pre-pregnancy levels by the time I was about two months postpartum.

We conceived our second baby (by accident, while using an IUD) when our first baby had just turned a year old. Again, I had some bleeding, and was put on pelvic rest, which my new doctor breaks down for me to say no intercourse OR ORGASM as orgasms actually cause uterine contractions, and if there are certain complications, or the cervix isn’t fully sealed shut for whatever reason, it increases your odds of miscarrying. Hmm, so that meant no masturbating? Yes, it was confirmed, that being put on “pelvic rest” meant no sexual activity of any kind! SAY WHAT?!?

My second pregnancy was miserable. I was more tired. More cranky. Horny, without any safe form of release. By the time I was cleared for sexual activity (6 weeks postpartum), I was well into breastfeeding, something I hadn’t done with my first baby, and it absolutely killed my sex drive. I had never in my life had such a complete and utter lack of interest in sex, not just with my husband, but even with myself. Of course, being worried about my lack of desire, I immediately made an appointment with my OB-GYN.

What follows is an interesting human biology lesson:

Women need certain levels of hormones for sex (at least pleasurable sex) and libido.

  1. ESTROGEN: Breastfeeding decreases a woman’s estrogen level. Estrogen is responsible for maintaining moistness and flexibility of her vaginal lining, so if levels drop, which they do after birth and during breastfeeding, the lining becomes dry and can cause intercourse to be quite uncomfortable. Lube would be absolutely necessary. But low estrogen can also cause a stiff, less flexible vagina, which could be painful even with ample lubrication.
  2. TESTOSTERONE: Levels drop substantially while nursing. Now while this is known as the “male” hormone, women need testosterone, too, and it is a key factor in her ability to orgasm as well as having any desire in the first place.
  3. PROLACTIN: Your body begins making a hormone specifically for breastfeeding, called prolactin. This hormone is what instructs your body to produce milk. Prolactin also causes a sharp decrease in estrogen and testosterone, which we already established has a strong effect on libido.

In addition to the hormonal issues involved with breastfeeding and low libido, there is another issue at hand as well. Breastfeeding involves lots of skin on skin contact with your baby, and releases a ton of oxytocin (also know as the ‘love hormone’), which biologically makes sense. Nature wants you to bond with and love this new infant. But it has a detrimental effect on libido. See, once people meet their max threshold of oxytocin, they feel “over-touched” and don’t wish any more contact with others. So after a full day of nursing, a lot of women have just had more than enough oxytocin, and truly don’t want anymore! They don’t want to have sex with their partner. They don’t want to cuddle. Or even touch! This is how I felt for sure. I filled my quota for oxytocin with my baby, and unfortunately that didn’t leave any room left for affection with my husband, who got left feeling dejected and lonely.

Some researchers also speculate that your drop in libido during nursing (but not if you had a baby and formula fed, which you’ll see why in a minute) is purely biological. You see, before the relatively new invention of birth control, women faced the high possibility of becoming pregnant shortly after they gave birth, which is extremely hard on the woman’s body, as well as difficult on the baby should there be limited resources available. So, biologically, your body isn’t aware you can take birth control, and is trying its best to keep you from getting pregnant again while you have an infant (which your body knows because you are nursing) the only way it knows how: by DESTROYING your libido! And let me say, it is awfully effective.

Now if you formula feed (like I did with my first baby), your body ends up thinking the baby didn’t survive birth due to no breastfeeding (because your body didn’t hear about the invention of formula, either), and therefore is ready to get back in the sack and make another baby!

Phone a friend

Asking others their experiences about masturbating during pregnancy was enlightening. I asked a group of my fellow mom friends about whether they had elevated libidos during pregnancy, whether they masturbated solo or preferred the company of their partner, and how that changed post pregnancy, whether breastfeeding had any effect, etc.

  1. Out of a set of 32 women, 20 regularly masturbated prior to pregnancy, 4 did occasionally, and 8 women never did.
  2. Out of the same 32 women, 28 regularly masturbated during pregnancy, 2 masturbated occasionally, and 2 never did.
  3. Out of the same group of 32 women, only 2 regularly masturbated during nursing, with 25 women claiming to completely abstain from all sexual activity!

So, what do these numbers mean?

If you are pregnant and suddenly completely insatiable and can’t keep your hands out of your pants, go for it! If you are breastfeeding and are repulsed by your partner or even the thought of sex, know you are not alone, and it is just hormonal, and should all go back to the way it was prior to your pregnancy!

 

With Love,

Amaaya

Getting Started Swinging

What is Swinging?  My favorite definition of Swinging is people in committed relationships openly engaging in sexual activity with people outside of their committed relationships. Swinging takes on many forms involving married couples, engaged couples, dating couples, single guys, and single women, so it is a bit tricky to cover all the ways it can happen.

Before moving on, let me make this important statement: 

Swinging seems to be an activity or lifestyle that tends to make good relationships better and bad ones worse.

This is not a rule, but more an observation and an application of logic. If you have trust issues or are having problems in your sex life, adding more people to your sex life only increases the potential for complications, suspicions, and jealousy. Oh yeah, and if you are a jealous person, you really want to give this a lot of thought, or at least do yourself a favor and go really really REALLY slow, like see how you feel when your partner dresses up sexy and gets flirted with. Did it turn you on or feel good? Or did you feel bad. If it made you feel bad, think about working on your relationship first if you want to keep it.

Openness is the Key

The key that makes Swinging work is that the people involved are doing it with the full knowledge of their relationship partners. When everyone knows and there are no secrets it can be fun for all. Truthfully, one of the best times for us as a couple in our Swinging encounters is afterwards when we tell each other about our experiences. Talking openly about the new sensations, physical differences, and conversations that went on while playing with someone else usually gets us both really excited and we end up having sex before we can even finish talking. All the benefits gained from this being a shared experience are lost if you are doing it without your partner’s knowledge, and many people call this “cheating”. Cheating is something we will have to cover as a separate topic in the future, because there are varying views about how it should be handled in Swinging.

For this discussion we will assume that you are a couple looking to openly do this together, or an unattached single lady or man interested in couples, but if that is not the case you will still find the informaiton here useful and perhaps if you share this website with your partner they might just surprise you and get interested too!

Now, if as a couple you two really appreciate and adore each other and the sex is already good for both of you, and talking about maybe having another couple watch you have sex together heats things up in bed for you two, this might be a good lifestyle to try together. But how do you get started?
Ditch the Dinner, Hit a Club
Before we found out about Swingers lifestyle we went a slightly different route by try the dinner and drinks thing with a couple a few times to see if we found the right couple. After two dinners together and no real hint of a connection decide, what are basic common likes & dislikes between all of you, to find a better compatible couple & to meet people next time. Just don’t feel like we are wasting our valuable family time, believe me it is worth to spend time. Also do little research, decide to bite the bullet, and join swingers lifestyle.

In our opinion, Swingers couple parties are much more to attend and know more about other’s views about lifestyle. It is more fun because the people are REAL instead of models that are walking around … real people dressing sexy, dancing sexy, and mingling. Swingers parties are very open to couples coming and just watching and enjoying the sexy atmosphere and various levels of nudity that the people there are in. Sometimes there are people that have sex in the open that you can watch too. You can totally watch together and share that experience and see how you feel.  After your visit, talk about it together as much as you can. If you BOTH don’t 100% agree on it being a good thing and wanting to go back, things will be much better if you don’t go back until you are both on the same page and want to try it again. Pushing anyone past their comfort zone in this lifestyle usually just makes things worse.

Going to a Swingers party is simply our favorite way to meet new couples and singles, but even if we chat with a couple online and want to physically meet for the first time, meeting at a club/pub is still our favorite. There is no pressure like if we went out to dinner or drinks with a specific couple in public. If we meet at a club and both sides are attracted. Try doing THAT meeting at a bar or a restaurant! However, if either or both sides are not feeling like there is the right chemistry there, well there are a hundred or so other people right there that are all looking for basically the same thing, and we can introduce the new couple to some of them.

Hotel Parties and House Parties

If you’re not up for larger groups, there are also “hotel parties” and “house parties” which tend to be a bit smaller in number (but not always). Although we have not been to any ourselves, from what we’ve heard they can be more intimate and friendly since they are usually hosted by people that make a lot of effort to help everyone mingle and feel comfortable. Being that they are sometimes “one-time-events” rather than a place that is open two or three nights a week, people kind of put more effort into being social and friendly versus hiding in the shadows.
The key to really getting comfortable and figuring out what this lifestyle is all about, we believe, is to put yourselves in situations where like-minded people are gathering and just start talking to them. If you are new or less experienced then you have the opportunity to learn a lot from people you meet in Swinger environments. So talk to the people that you can, but even MORE importantly, if you are a couple talk, talk, and talk some more to each other!
Terminology
There is a lot of special terminology that is used by Swingers, so it’s totally understandable that people have put together dictionaries and glossaries. It may help to make yourself somewhat familiar with these terms before you start talking to other Swingers so you are talking the same language.

Playing

One term you should be familiar with right away is “Playing”. When Swingers say “play” they are using it as a catch-all term for any kind of sexual activity that you do with other people, whether it is oral sex, intercourse, anal sex, spanking, bondage, masturbation, etc.. So just be aware that until you discuss the details, if you ask someone if they would like to “play”, and they say Yes, you two may be thinking you have agreed to two totally different things. The key is to talk BEFORE you start playing so you both know what is expected.
Sex and Fucking

One interesting piece of terminolgy that we encountered early on is the difference between “sex” and “fucking”. Be aware that there are people that use the word “sex” to mean any kind of sexual interaction, such as oral stimulation, hand-to-body touching, and masturbation — anything except vaginal or anal intercourse. This can be very confusing, since a person could ask you if you’d like to have sex and they are not talking about intercourse. People that use “sex” in that way tend to call intercourse “fucking”. So, if they are talking about having sex, they might not care about having condoms around. If they are talking about fucking, though, the discussion about if condoms will be used should follow quickly.

How do you play??

It’s amazing that four words can be so complex. A conversation can be rolling along between Swingers that you’ve recently met, and everything is going well, and then they ask, “So … how do you play?” Newbie Swingers can be totally thrown off by this question if they aren’t aware that it could be coming. The solution? Be prepared. Know what they are actually asking and have at least a simple answer to keep the conversation going.

“How do you play?” is really asking several questions at once, which are:

  • Are you (both of you if you are a couple) Swingers? Some people come to Swinger events just to watch, which is fine, so it’s an important question.
  • Which of you, if you are a couple, play? There are plenty of couples where only one person in the couple plays, and the other is just there for moral support or to watch but not really be physically involved with others.
  • What kind of sex are you into? The answer they are probably looking for is something like “same-room sex”, “soft-swap”, “full-swap”, or one of the other interesting terms.
  • Do you play together? They are also wanting to know is do you, if you are a couple, only play if both of you can play (only play together), or can one of you play if the other does not (play separately)? This question also refers to if you two both have partners to play with, do you require the playing be done in each other’s presence (same room), or can you two be having sex in different locations at the same time (separate rooms).
  • Who do you play with? Information about if you only play with couples, or single women or single guys is helpful, but not mandatory, since the person who is asking is probably most wanting to know if you will play with THEM. But they also sometimes want to know if the female is into women too. (Bisexual)

So, a made-up example of an answer to the question “How do you play?” might be:

We both swing, full-swap or bondage, same room only, we only play together, and the wife is Bi-curious.

It sounds a bit complicated, but knowing what that question is really asking and having a general idea of what your answer is will make things go much easier when it comes up.

So, Start Swinging Already!

Hopefully this is enough information to get you at least started thinking about the options you have before you. Really the most important thing if you are a couple is to just talk about it. A lot! Talk about it so you are comfortable enough to slip in little mentions of it in everyday conversation when you are talking in private just for fun, and when it is something that is on both of your minds and exciting to both of you it will make your first adventure of going to your first club or party, or meeting your first couple, so much more comfortable knowing you are both wanting it together.
With Love,
Amaaya

For Girls: Let Him Reach At His Extreme

From my personal experience few super easy, “anyone can do” tricks your partner really, really wishes you’d learn to give him extreme pleasure.

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Girls, Sex is everywhere and you must love it, enjoy it at fullest — if you are not enjoying it at your extreme, for obvious you can’t make your man happy, start loving practically naked not for your man but for yourself. Once you start loving it at your own you can give more pleasure to your man. Nowadays it’s not just porn that sets unrealistic expectations for what’s sexy and kinky, and it can be hard to feel like you measure up when it comes time to get real naked cuddling with your partner. Most of men loves to try what they watch in porn, so why to depriving them from that, let them enjoy and it will definitely give you extreme pleasure.

If you really want to keep your sex life fresh in a long-term or you want to feel more confident in the bedroom, there are plenty of things you can must try to enjoy it at extreme. You must be ready to open & experimental for your man to give him all pleasure what he deserves.

In this article just giving few tricks, give a try to few at least and see the change on your own, all these tricks am telling you are from my personal experiments for my partner which really helped us both.

  1. Talk Openly What You Enjoy Most and What You Don’t

You should not have sex without talking about it — lovingly, salaciously, practically, fearlessly — and often. How else can we know how to thrill each other? Couples don’t ask for what they want because they’re afraid they won’t get it, or else might be their partner will take it otherwise. If you don’t ask, however, surely you won’t get it. The spoken word can be foreplay, intimate and hot. Be brave Be Open Be Kinky. I would suggest this sex game. Plan to make a night of it:

First, set the mood for a romantic evening with your partner. Then write all your sex fantasies on three-by-five-inch cards. All of them, no matter how bestial, or politically, remember get it out of a word taboo, believe me nothing is taboo in this world, Try it feel it experiment it yourself and realize you want to do it again or no.

So then, read your cards together and, as you do, divide them into three piles: fantasies you want to turn into reality (e.g., sex in an airplane lavatory); fantasies you want to keep that way (e.g., sex with other man and try bi things); and fantasies that do nothing for one of the partners (e.g., cuckolding).

Finally, discard the pile of fantasies that turn you off. Keep the other two piles. Have one partner choose a card from one of them, and then do whatever’s written on it. If he chooses this time, you get to choose next time. If the chosen fantasy is one you both want to keep a fantasy, you don’t have to actually do it — just make love as you talk about it. Example: He picks the fantasy where he makes love to you and another woman (most men’s number one choice). Start to make love while both of you describe, in exquisite carnal detail, who’s doing what to whom and how.

  1. Find New Places for Oral, His All Body Is Yours

Believe me, when you stroke your man’s part outer surface with a trick. This small stretch of flesh between the anus and the testicles is an exalted but often neglected place. When it is caressed or gently prodded during sex, men fuse with the eighth dimension. Don’t assume that the great favor of your vagina is enough. Gild the lily.

  1. The Whole New Balls for You

A man’s testicles, are the complement to our ovaries: a mystical place, the epicenter of new life. But unlike ovaries, testicles can be touched — and, boy really wants, testicles should be touched by their partner. The sensations they produce are beyond the sum of their parts (forgive the pun): profound. Pinch, tug, suck on his testicles. Linger. Dawdle. Don’t make this an afterthought. This is a destination in itself.

  1. The Place You Should Reach

It’s the anus. Not yours, his. Penetrating a man’s anus stimulates his prostate — the male G-spot. Do not underestimate the power of this tip-off. The results are titanic.

Start by lightly circling the outside of his anus with your fingers or tongue. Try a small, thin vibrator. If your man wants you to proceed with penetration, you can lubricate the vibrator, or use a lubricated, covered finger. Buy latex finger cots at the store. They’ll prevent internal skin tears and, frankly, make the whole transaction easier for you. I promise you that his slack-jawed, pinwheel-eyed, puppy-like gratitude will abate any reluctance on your part.

  1. Try to Taste ‘N’ Smell Differently

Smell and taste can be vivid sexual lures, especially the way you smell and taste. Does he really like your signature perfume? Might he prefer something trashier? Spicier? Experiment.

Try bathing with a new scented oil. Walk out in a towel, then ask him to smell you and nibble and share what he thinks. Show him where. Unless you’ve bathed in skunk oil, his sharing will involve few words.

Play with flavored lubricants. There are dozens to choose from, like chocolate pudding flavor, strawberry, tangerine. Even if you don’t really need lubricants for intercourse, they’re wholesomely lewd, and they increase sensation.

Some men don’t want flavored or scented anything. They crave the smell and taste of an aroused woman, unadorned. If you have such a man, here’s a marvelous move: Find a private moment in a public place. Tell him you can’t wait to get home ’cause you’re wet just thinking about him. Maintain eye contact as you (discreetly! sensuously!) snake your hand inside your clothes to your vagina. Touch yourself. Draw your hand out and put your fingers in his mouth. Say sweetly, “See?”

  1. The Ridiculously Simple Apparel

No woman alive needs to be told that sight is every man’s number one stimulus when it comes to sex. This is often the reality of our existence. But the power of sight can work for you.

Forget acrylic nails, or those “darling” accessories, or that new workout gear — men couldn’t care less. Take that cash and invest in lingerie. It can be demure; it can be enticingly sleazy. “Lingerie” — way above “please” or “thank you” — is the magic word.

Slinky, lacy black things are classics. Start there.

  1. Getting to Know Yourself

Practice makes perfect. And perfecting your orgasms alone will give you the confidence to relax and to know what you want to enjoy more in ourselves. The first thing you have to do is banish the notion that you must have an orgasm through intercourse. Not a lot of women do, and some who say they do are lying. Most women, however, can climax with masturbation, and it’s a great way to learn what really works for you.

Get loose with yourself. Make the time. Wear something hot. Try different kinds of vibrators. Try different positions: on your back, in a chair, kneeling in front of a mirror, keep windows open to let someone see you. Touch yourself in different ways — for instance, play with your labia only until the verge of orgasm, and only then touch your clitoris directly. Build sensations slowly; keep yourself near the verge for as long as you can. Discover what works best for you, and explain it to your partner. He can’t read your mind.

Sometime just masturbate in front of your man. Masturbate him while he watches. Don’t be shy. Describe what you’re doing as you do it.

  1. The G-Spot Orgasm

If you are a woman, you definitely have a G-Spot. Finding it yourself, is like playing pin the tail on the donkey.

The G-spot is, anatomically speaking, your urethral sponge — a sprig of knowledge that’s wildly unerotic. It’s our version of the male prostate, best stimulated through the vagina’s front wall with your fingers, or with a flexing, antenna-like vibrator designed for this quest.

To find your G-spot, get yourself nicely aroused; then, inserting one or two fingers, palm up, press slowly around your vagina’s front wall, about two inches up. It varies from girl to girl. Before hell freezes over you will hit a dime-size, slightly ridged spot that provokes an urge to urinate. Engrave that location on your brain, then go and do so. When you return, find it again. This time ignore the got-to-go feeling; you’ll know it’s false. If you keep stimulating, that sensation will bloom into pleasure. Once you’ve aced this, demonstrate it for your partner.

  1. Play with Condom

There are times when you just need a condom, no matter how smugly exclusive you are. But produce one and you see the face of a childishly decorate on the man you love.

Try saying this: “But, baby, I need to practice putting them on with my mouth.” Men love this. Let him know it’s an old hookers’ trick. Here’s how it goes: Hold the condom so the rolled edge is facing you. Place it between your lips and teeth that way. Stick your tongue in the middle so tongue-in-condom pokes out just a bit. Put tongue-in-condom on the head of the penis (if you want to train for this before the actual event, practice on a banana). Cover your teeth with your lips and ease your mouth over his penis until the condom is unrolled. And don’t do this like a relay race. A little finesse, if you please!

Genius, huh? You’re welcome.

  1. Be His Pornstar

One quick search to his favorite fantasy will have him ooooohhhing and ahhhhing before you even touch him. Don’t think this trick is just for your partner, though — your favorite porn will get the juices flowing out for yourself too, and could open your mind to new sexual possibilities. “Hearing arousal is often in it of itself arousing, and certainly the visual of seeing people receiving pleasure is, too,” Dim the lights, press play, and let the soothing sounds of others getting off help you get off.

  1. Get Out of the House

It’s one thing to take your sex life out of the bedroom; it’s a whole new ball game to move your sex life out of the house completely. Maybe it’s an evening in the park after the wine is drunk and the cheese has been eaten when the park is clearing out and your picnic blanket is the perfect cover for some discretion… Or maybe it’s in a parked car in a deserted parking lot? the risk of being seen is a huge turn-on. “The idea you could get caught is a little kinky n risky and increases the arousal.” Granted, don’t be stupid. Just evaluate how much risk you can take to give him extreme turn on. It might be sitting naked in your balcony till bone in broad daylight on the beach with hundreds around.

Game It Baby!

Make sex and foreplay is a game to determine exactly what you’ll be doing, always try to add an extra element of spice, surprise and change things up for him. Remember, if he will reach on his extreme, you will be on your extreme, extreme passion brings extreme love in your life.

 

Please try it & do not forget to give me feedback to bring more blogs for you.

 

With Love,

Amaaya

6 Kinky Sex Ideas from Fifty Shades of Grey That Are Actually Worth Trying

 It’s not all cheesy lines about tantalizing your ~inner goddess~.



You don’t have to read the books to know the gist of this erotica saga: It’s kinky, But having read (and hated) all three books, I’m aware of the stigma that there’s a lot of not-so-great sex stuff going on in some couple’s lives.

I would say this book as Fifty Shades Darker, I decided to take a look to see if there were any kinky sex ideas actually worth trying out at home. And guess what? There sure are!

  1. Foreplay That Keeps Going and Going and Going…

‘Do you want to play this game?’ he continues, holding up the balls. ‘You can always take them out if it’s too much.'” —Fifty Shades Darker, page 127
Foreplay doesn’t have to stay in between the sheets (or in your Red Room of Pain). If you take away anything from the Fifty Shades saga, let it be the idea that continued foreplay is not only encouraged, but required. Just the possibility of sex can be as hot as the real deal! Maybe you don’t wear your underwear to a family engagement. Or you slip in some kegel balls for your weekend stroll through the park, so each step reminds you of what else you’d like to put up there. Keeping your mind focused on sex with your partner throughout the day creates a lustful bond that’s bound to end in a very good explosion.

  1. Nipple Play — With Ice

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“I hear another clink of ice, and then I can feel it around my right nipple as he tugs the left one with his lips.” —Fifty Shades of Grey, page 194

While I may not be a fan of the books, the amount of nipple play in the saga was very … satisfying. I’m a huge fan of nipple play. And if you have sensitive nipples, then you already know the rush of sensation that flows from your breast all the way down to your, ahem, ~inner goddess~ when someone sucks on yours.

  1. Not Moving or Talking

“‘If you struggle I will tie your feet, too. If you make a noise, Anastasia, I will gag you.'” —Fifty Shades of Grey, page 192

Have you ever tried not moving while inching closer and closer to orgasm? It takes practice to not allow your body to pulse and move with each sweeping sensation, but once you’ve mastered the technique, holy shit, it’s so great. Think of what an orgasm basically feels like: sensations building up on top of each other over and over until you erupt. By keeping your body still, the buildup is magnified. It’s even hotter if your partner instructs you not to talk, trust me. Good going, Christian Grey.

  1. Hair-Pulling

“He gathers my hair and braids it quickly and efficiently before fastening it with the tie. He tugs my braid, pulling my head back. ‘Good thinking, Mrs. Grey,’ he whispers in my ear, then nips my earlobe.” —Fifty Shades Freed, page 112

Obviously you’ll need medium/long hair for this move, but so hot, right?! And wait! Does your partner have long hair and/or a man bun? Grip his hair and bring his face between your breasts: He’ll enjoy the view and the fact that his lady is taking complete control in the boudoir. You’ll love the new angles being reached inside you. But remember, communication is key. Make sure you (or your partner’s) head or neck is not in any pain while firmly grabbing his hair — nothing is a bigger buzzkill than a pulled muscle in your neck.

  1. Getting Creative With Bondage

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“‘Look familiar?’ he asks, unable to conceal his smile. Jeez … the plastic cable ties. Restocking at Clayton’s! It all becomes clear. I gape up at him as adrenaline spikes though my body anew. Okay — that got my attention — I’m awake now.” —Fifty Shades of Grey, page 327

Don’t rush to the sex shop every time you want to be tied up. Maybe something catches your fancy during your weekend jaunt through Lowe’s. See that extension cord near the couch? That bad boy can make a mean bowline when the bondage mood strikes. A tie? Your thong? What I’m saying is, think outside the box. The spontaneity in both the sexing and the props will rev you and your partner up immediately.

  1. Using a T-Shirt as a Blindfold

‘I think you’ve seen enough.’ He chuckles slyly. He sits astride me again, pulls my T-shirt up, and I think he’s going to take it off me, but he rolls it up to my neck and then pulls it up over my head so he can see my mouth and my nose, but it covers my eyes.” —Fifty Shades of Grey, page 192

Clothes make amazing blindfolds. (And good gags too!) Why take your partner’s shirt completely off when you can heighten their senses with a makeshift blindfold made from their own clothing? It’s sexy, confidence-boosting, and a little dirty. This simple move tells them their sexual prowess is so overwhelming you can’t wait the 10 extra seconds it would take to grab that blindfold off your dresser. You want them now.

You Try This And Let Me Know Your Experience, What You Felt.

With Love,

Amaaya